I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
