Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
