saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
