The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i barfeds in our rink
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
