i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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