I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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