that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
