I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
