respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
