i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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