I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
