genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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