Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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