I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
