Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
