No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
pray to the hookup gods
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
