I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
