I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He felt like a one man threesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
