after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
