you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
