i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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