worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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