i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
