help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize