her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize