I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
