Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
