Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
