hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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