my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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