The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
