Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
