Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
