I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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