do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
