The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
