And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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