Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
