Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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