Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
