Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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