in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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