so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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