When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
