its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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