My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
