The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
