I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
