I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
