Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you would pick up someone in the library
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
