He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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