so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think i have two assholes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
