after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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