Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
