its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize