I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
