Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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