remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
