Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
