So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
