shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
PANTIES FOUND
that may or may not have been my penis.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
