She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
