I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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